My breast feeding advice to new mums

As Jude strides ever closer to his first birthday I am thinking about the plethora of changes he's been through in the last year and at the beginning of it all there is a fuzzy memory of sleep deprivation and constant breast feeding that was the single most exhausting and emotionally draining time in my life.

I feel achingly sad when I reflect on that time. It was a time I can't say with any honesty that I enjoyed but my little boy is growing up so quickly and I can't have any of that time back. Those first 3 months in particular were hard on me, but I would give anything to be able to do them over so I could get it right this time.

Next time round (baby numero 2) will be different, I'll know what I'm doing and I'll also know not to listen to a damn word anyone has to say about anything. I know it will be just as exhausting but I'll be confident in myself and that single fact will make all the difference.

My heart goes out to first-time mums just starting the journey now. All that self doubt, endless mother guilt, uncertainty, second guessing every move you make. I've thought and I've thought of the one thing, if anything, that I could give as advice to any new mother.

Here it is:

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When the midwife tells you to practice Demand Feeding, and then adds "Bub should feed for at least 40 minutes every 4 to 6 hours, 8 to 10 times in 24 hours" you need to find the strength inside yourself to fully realise that counting hours between feeds and timing how long each feed takes is NOT demand feeding.

This is the stupid, counter-intuitive and completely contradictory advice that almost every mum is given in hospital. I believe it is this advice that sets many mothers into a tail spin of confusion and self-doubt. Look at it again and acknowledge that it doesn't make sense.

Listen to your baby and only your baby. Let him sleep if he sleeps, even if it has been more than 6 hours between feeds. You'll know if something is wrong. Get rid of the clock and that stupid stopwatch you use to time feeds.

Maybe your baby will sleep for 10 hours between feeds, and then wake up hungry and feed like a champ. That's 10 hours of sleep you could be getting, why mess with that? There's a good chance that the next feed will be loudly demanded only 2 hours later. That's how babies really demand feed, none of that using a stopwatch crap.

If bub feeds from the same boob twice in a row you'll know when your other breast starts leaking milk all over the place. If bub didn't quite get enough milk during a feed, you'll also know when he or she wakes up in an hour and wants more milk. It will all come out even in the end.

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In the top drawer of my dresser is a notebook with pages and pages filled with the time and duration of Jude's feeds in his early life, as well as which breast he fed predominantly from and extra notes that tell me whether he woke up for a feed or I woke him in a panic after 8 hours since his last feed. When I look at this notebook now my heart breaks and I can't stop the tears from welling because I know that it was all a terrible waste of effort and time that lead to bad feeding practices and resulted in Jude self-weaning at just 4 months.

To the Good Health of our Babies

I just watched an episode of Oprah with Celine Dion where they showcased some amazing survival stories of children and highlighted the tragic death of baby Eliot born with the non-viable condition of Trisomy 18.

Such heart-breaking and tear-jerking accounts of life are great to watch because they remind me of how fragile life is and how incredible it is to watch Jude grow and learn and become a little man. I am reminded to embrace every day with him and to know that his good health and happiness are more important than anything else on this entire planet.

This week Jude has had some trouble in the middle of the night and we've had several nights not sleeping before 2am because Jude has been upset. He's fine during the day, but something has been bothering him. It could be teething (he does have a tooth slowly pushing through), but I think he had a tummy ache last night and he did a bad poo that burned his bum.

While he was crying I took him to our bed and held him in my arms, gently rubbing his belly in the I Love You* pattern from my baby-massage guide. His little eyes searched my face and I saw him asking me why it hurt, why he was in pain and I couldn't answer him or do very much more to take the pain away.

I would have done anything to take his pain away. It is a humbling reminder of the torture that parents must experience when their child is born disabled or with an incurable disease, or even premature babies or babies with respiratory problems.

Which reminds me how horrified and completely unsympathetic I am to smokers who continue to smoke through pregnancy and around their children. It's sickening. Oh shut up about your addiction and get over it you f-ing selfish loser!!!!!! What kind of monster would jeopardize the health of their child when there is nothing more precious on the face of this Earth than the health and well being of our children?


* I Love You is spelled by gently tracing the letter I (a vertical line) down the left side of baby's tummy. Then an L shape (L for Love) is formed upside down by tracing a horizontal line from right to left across the top of baby's tummy then re-tracing the vertical line down the left side. The U (for You) is written by tracing a vertical line up the right side, across the top from right to left and then down the left side. This clockwise massage is supposed to be good for baby's digestion by following the direction of the intestine.