Something dramatic has happened since the birth of my son. When I became a mum I could no longer watch any movie with a baby in it the same way again.
Last night we watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, a movie about a man who is born old and ages backwards. I was interested in the movie because I think we all feel that youth is wasted on the young, who can't truly appreciate their freedom and vitality because they don't know any different.
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---->> MAJOR SPOILER WARNING
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The movie was going quite nicely until Benjamin, aged around 40, walked out on his 1-year-old baby and left her fatherless. That snake of a director showed a peaceful sleeping baby lying blissfully unaware while her daddy rode away on a motorbike.
All I could think of was my own sleeping angel, so similar in age at 9 months.
Benjamin left because he knew as he got younger he would eventually be too young to be a dad, but at 40 years of age he still had a good 20 years of fatherhood until his daughter would be an adult herself. His choice to leave set off my emotional rocket, fueled by anger at such a decision.
From then on my emotions ran wild as Benjamin himself turned into a helpless child, his memory failing as his brain and body continue to shrink.
Daisy, his lover-come-mother remembers watching him unlearn how to talk and forget how to walk until finally he is a newborn lying swaddled in her arms. He opens his eyes and looks up at her and in that moment she knows that he remembers her, and the next moment he closes his eyes and is snuffed out of existence.
At this point I completely lost it. The end of the movie shows a life being undone. The baby Benjamin unravels from life, his young mind loses knowledge and he unlearns everything he knows, until life itself merely seeps away from him.
I am shaken to the core after watching that movie. As a mother I have watched my baby learn. His little mind is like a very dense sponge, his little body is always stretching beyond his capabilities to accomplish new feats.
First Jude was just a newborn baby wrapped in swaddling, then he learned to swat with his hands, then he learned how to grab and kick with his feet, then he learned to roll from side to side and how to sit up with a straight back, then he started reaching for objects out of his reach and could roll across the floor to reach them. Now he is trying to learn how to crawl, stand up and walk. Every day he tries something new and every day he learns something new.
I can't make peace with the concept of a baby unlearning. That final image of the baby Benjamin shutting his eyes and blinking out of existence is simply too much for me to cope with.
A person is conceived and grows and is born then continues to grow and learn and experience life, never the other way around. It just goes to show that youth is not wasted on the young, it is their privilege.
PS. My husband didn't experience the same overwhelming emotional response to the movie, so maybe it's just me.
Thursday 9 July 2009
Wednesday 1 July 2009
Advice for our children
I saw a report on TV the other night stating that "our" generation is staying home with our parents well into our 20s and even our 30s. The suggestion was the we are mooching off our parents, but I say it's not our fault.
When our parents were our age (and younger) they married earlier and lived happily on a single family income. The fact is that house prices in those days were much, much more affordable.
We have a situation now where executive power couples (DINKS) are pushing real-estate prices up. Families on single incomes struggle to find an affordable first home so they can break into the housing market. Single people traditionally rent and don't consider buying their first home until ... well, until it's too late.
6 years ago I had enough money saved for a down payment on a small apartment but I moved to Japan for a few years to experience life in a different culture and decided to horde my savings. I didn't know anything about real estate and didn't understand how difficult things would become when I was looking for a home at the age of 32, no longer working and raising a small child on my husband's single income.
If I had bought a small apartment and rented it out while I was overseas I would have returned to a partially-paid mortgage on an investment that had increased in value. In other words, I would have already taken a step on the bottom rung of the real-estate ladder, but being single and young (I was 26) I didn't see the urgency.
Now I understand all too well.
When Jude is older and looking at moving out of home for the first time, my advice to him will be to buy a small studio apartment or an empty warehouse or a shoebox if that's what it takes, anything to get him on that bottom housing rung. I'll do everything in my power to help him.
Personally I think it will be a better investment if I helped him on a down payment for a small studio apartment than to have him mooch off me until he's 35. I really wish my parents had given me that same advice and helped me find and manage an investment property, but I guess "their" generation doesn't understand how hard it is for us. I vow not to let this happen to Jude.
When our parents were our age (and younger) they married earlier and lived happily on a single family income. The fact is that house prices in those days were much, much more affordable.
We have a situation now where executive power couples (DINKS) are pushing real-estate prices up. Families on single incomes struggle to find an affordable first home so they can break into the housing market. Single people traditionally rent and don't consider buying their first home until ... well, until it's too late.
6 years ago I had enough money saved for a down payment on a small apartment but I moved to Japan for a few years to experience life in a different culture and decided to horde my savings. I didn't know anything about real estate and didn't understand how difficult things would become when I was looking for a home at the age of 32, no longer working and raising a small child on my husband's single income.
If I had bought a small apartment and rented it out while I was overseas I would have returned to a partially-paid mortgage on an investment that had increased in value. In other words, I would have already taken a step on the bottom rung of the real-estate ladder, but being single and young (I was 26) I didn't see the urgency.
Now I understand all too well.
When Jude is older and looking at moving out of home for the first time, my advice to him will be to buy a small studio apartment or an empty warehouse or a shoebox if that's what it takes, anything to get him on that bottom housing rung. I'll do everything in my power to help him.
Personally I think it will be a better investment if I helped him on a down payment for a small studio apartment than to have him mooch off me until he's 35. I really wish my parents had given me that same advice and helped me find and manage an investment property, but I guess "their" generation doesn't understand how hard it is for us. I vow not to let this happen to Jude.
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