Musing about life

I've been thinking about what it means to be a full-time mum. When I was little I thought my dad must be smarter than my mum because he was an important doctor and she was just mum. Years later I learned mum was quite the intellectual and dad just studied really hard.

Intelligence is something of a defining value in my life and I'm terrified of being undervalued by people who should know me. We moved to the gold coast about 5 years ago and I don't think most of my friends here have any idea that I have a brain, let alone anything to offer. I'm feeling a bit sad about it.

I made some bad choices in my life, but one of my biggest regrets has long been giving up environmental science which I started studying fresh out of high school. I panicked and thought I hadn't made the right choice and dropped science completely to study communications.

Following a short career in IT, I realised I didn't care for any of it. I do enjoy writing, but my single novel that I'm too otherwise-occupied to promote isn't getting me anywhere.

Now this many years later I still burn a candle in the dark recess of my mind for biology, the one subject I always excelled at without effort. Why I didn't stick with it will remain a mystery forever. Am I too old to go back?

Introducing...

To me the sweetest sound right now is Jude saying his baby sister's name, Lilac.

Following Friday's scan, we have firm confirmation that our baby is a girl as we have always believed. This is beautiful news.

I'm thrilled that my little boy, Jude, will always be my one-and-only little boy, and that we have the opportunity to have a beautiful little girl in our lives as well. I cherish our good fortune with our children and take none of it for granted.

Ever since she was conceived, our little Lilac has given me strong indications of her existence. The day after I ovulated I developed a sharp metallic taste that couldn't be disguised or ignored. My first trimester was filled with morning sickness, I am constantly tired, I wake up at 4am for no reason and can't get back to sleep, I am constipated, hot, exhausted, breathless and thirsty at all times but all of it is because my little girl exists and I am thrilled.

Lilac, by the way, is my favourite colour and is also a flowering tree that lines the streets of Spokane Washington, the city where my husband is originally from in the USA. Ever since I first suggested the name, a mere week or so after Lilac was conceived, we have loved the name. But now that we have official confirmation of our baby's gender, it has all clicked into place and we feel strongly connected with our unborn baby girl.

Managing expectations: Boy or Girl?

In only 2 days we will find out the gender of our baby (as long as the baby cooperates). Due to the timing of conception and the information that was conveyed to us during our 12-week scan, we have considered all along that this little bundle is a girl, and have given little thought to the idea of having a boy.

However, as the big day approaches it is starting to occur to me more and more that the result of our scan in 2 days may yield an unexpected result, and if I'm honest I just don't know how I'll react.

If we are, indeed, pregnant with a boy it will be a surprise and something of a shock. Certainly a shock I can get used to, but it will take some time because mentally and emotionally I am expecting a girl.

I would be perfectly happy with another little boy, just like my gorgeous and perfect Jude who I love more than life, but I will have to mourn the loss of the girl I am expecting if it comes to that, and I think it will be a bit difficult at first.

At least I am aware that there are 2 options and at this stage they are both likely, if not exactly equally. The other thing I can be safe in the knowledge of, is that I will love my child unconditionally no matter what.

What I look like these days

I took this photo the other day, at 18 1/2 weeks pregnant:

I'm just wondering why I look 30 weeks pregnant and am already in so much discomfort. I am also wondering what this means I will look and feel like towards the end of my pregnancy.

It isn't filling me with the greatest amount of confidence.

However, I should note that despite my apparent size, I have gained just 1kg this pregnancy so far, and no I wasn't large to begin with.

Introduction to the summer sprinkler romp

The first half of the year saw torrential rain that flooded most of qld. Gardens across the city remained saturated for weeks.

Then the rain stopped and there has barely been a drop of water fall since. Category 5 cyclone Yasi flattened northern qld in the last few days, but not even a hint of a breeze blew here.

I finally noticed the garden had gone rather limp, so I attached the sprinkler hose I bought months ago, waited for the afternoon shade to fill the garden, and then out we went.

Jude has now experienced his first summer sprinkler romp, and he loved it. I have to admit, even at the ripe old age of 34, I got a giggle out of it, too.

Pregnancy Pains (again)

Pelvic dysplasia, or pelvic joint pain, is a little-known, but extremely painful, side effect of pregnancy. I guess not every woman suffers from it, but I do.

During pregnancy, we produce the hormone Relaxin whose purpose is to relax the pelvic bones ready to deliver a baby. In some cases, the pelvis relaxes too much and too early, resulting in agonising pain in the hips and pelvis caused by the pelvic joint grinding together. The surrounding muscles becomes inflamed and, to add insult to injury, the surrounding nerves are irritated resulting in mild to severe sciatica.

So if you can imagine having aching hips, burning pelvic joints and shooting pains in your buttocks and down the backs of your thighs, then you might be able to imagine something of what I'm going through.

The pain is worst at night when I try to sleep on my side, which pushes my hips in awkward directions. I end up sleeping in a twist on my back, which means I wake up every morning with crippling back pain and hips that have frozen into a painful, stiff board preventing me from moving.

It happened when I was pregnant with Jude, and I'd never heard of pelvic dysplasia so I had no idea why I was in pain, then my doctor referred me to a physiotherapist and it all became clear. Now it has struck me quite early in this pregnancy (17 weeks), so I headed straight to the nearest physiotherapist without passing Go, and I've ordered a pelvic brace to wear during the day to try and hold my hips in place. I really hope it helps, because I can't stand another 22 weeks of this!

The only good news is, it goes away the very second the baby is born so at least it is not permanent, although I think after Jude I was always a little bit uneven in the hips so I'll make sure I get postnatal physiotherapy this time.