Time for Me

For the true first time since Jude was born I really wish I had some time for myself. Of course there were a lot of times back at the beginning when I wished I could take a nap and all kinds of things, but that was time "to" myself that I wanted, now I need time "for" myself.

I have tried several times to do some yoga first thing in the morning, but Jude is awake and he wants to crawl all over me. It's impossible to stand in mountain pose and focus your breathing with a child thinking it's hilarious to stick his head through your knees. By the time Jude takes his morning nap my belly is bloated with breakfast and my attention is elsewhere.

I've also been trying to sort out my values in life, but Jude's day sleeps have, for the large part, been sketchy and he demands a lot of my focus. I can't ever sit down for a decent length of time and unwind or turn my attention inward to work on bettering myself and getting the most out of life.

It may seem self-centred but the activities I want to engage in are to improve myself so I can provide the necessary energy needed to run a family.

Even now Jude is headbutting me and trying to turn my computer off. He doesn't have a concept of independent play, not when mummy is so fun to torment. After all, I have big eyes that need constant poking and ears that are just begging to be pulled.

And I'm not even going to mention the non-me stuff like mopping my bathroom floor, or cleaning and vacuuming my bedroom. I honestly couldn't say when they were last done since all my time goes into maintaining the main living areas which are freshly trashed over and over every day.

Live to your Values

I have some fairly strong ideas of how I want to raise Jude. For example, I want to stay home with him until he's ready for preschool. I don't believe that childcare is necessary for a child's social development. I also don't believe that children need to be enrolled in swim school from the age of 6 months, and I don't believe infants need to be bombarded with daily activities like Jimbaroo.

I have nothing against those things. I have worked in child care and I was an AUSTSwim certified swimming instructor. I have also taught very young Japanese children English using music and dance, so I appreciate all those activities for what they are ... I just know from first hand experience that people don't need to pay money for things that can be taught at home. So I am teaching Jude to swim, I am exposing Jude to music and dance, and I am taking care of his social development by being a fully attentive stay-at-home mum and through regular mum's group (often twice a week).

My stance is firm and I know what I know, but that said I still challenge myself every single day when I am confronted with other mothers who have every day of the week booked with activities for their babies and who fork out money on every class and toy available.

I constantly need to refer back to my values and check in with myself to make sure I'm following my own path and ignoring what everyone else does, but it's difficult because I'm not deaf or blind so it's always around me, everywhere I look.

Especially these days when probably 2/3 of women hurry back to, at least, part time work and have their babies in childcare from a young age. When they start talking about Christmas pageants and all the amazing things their children are accomplishing I can't help second guessing myself, even though I know from first-hand experience that some children are naturally adapted for childcare but many children would much rather be home with mum.

I've started waffling because I am in the middle of cooking dinner, so my attention is on the beeping microwave rather than what I'm writing, but I think I made a point somewhere in there.