When things fall apart

The banks and politicians are all patting themselves on the back and claiming the Australian economy is improving. Meanwhile, my husband's company fell over and laid off 260 people, including him. So for the past couple of months we've had no income.

I have been trying to keep my head above the water by reminding myself of the things we do have, like each other and our beautiful Jude, but facing eviction and having nowhere to go and no family close by to catch us when we fall, we have both been sinking deeply into despair.

After I rang Centrelink recently to report our new projected annual "income", I put us offically on the poverty line. A few days later I received a health concession card for low income. It was horrifying to realise we were poor. We'd already been feeling poor for a few weeks, but suddenly we had the solid proof sitting there, staring at us from the dining table where neither of us dared touch it. I did eventually put in in my wallet, after all the whole point of it is to make sure our family can still afford medical care.

It's incredibly difficult to dig yourself out of a pit of depression when something like this happens, but every day I would put on my happy face and push my sadness into the depths of my mind so I could be there for Jude and not allow any of it to affect him. That was my number 1 priority, after all taking care of him is my job and I will never be laid off.

My husband got really sick and was vomiting constantly, then for 5 nights he didn't sleep at all and was little more than the walking dead throughout the day, venturing out from the bedroom from time to time in an attempt to make an appearance. So for a week I was living like a single mum, with all the weight of the world on my shoulders. I would crawl off to the bathroom for a cry then pull myself together and come back "happy mummy".

Amazingly, things seem to be improving for us and there are several good prospects on offer. We will be living fairly strictly on a tight budget for a while, but we're both confident that we'll be okay. We're no longer thinking and feeling poor, and that mental shift makes the world of difference.