The 2 kid shuffle

Newly born newborns are deceptively good. For the first 2 or 3 weeks they're relatively easy to work with. They sleep constantly, aren't woken easily and don't seem to care where they're sleeping. Well, that's my experience. I know some newborns are more difficult.

During those first few weeks I was pretty happy about having a chance to get things done around the house, like vacuuming and cooking. While Jude has taken this opportunity to stop sleeping consistently through the day, his needs were fairly simple to meet while Lilac was asleep.

However, Lilac will be 6 weeks old in 2 days and somewhere along the line dealing with the needs of 2 children at exactly the same time has become challenging.

Lilac now knows when mum is not around as her eyesight is improving. If she opens her eyes slightly in her sleep and fails to see me she wakes up crying out for me.
Meanwhile Jude has decided that months and months of toilet use were practise for weeing on the floor, his bed and the couch so I am running around like a headless chicken cleaning up his accidents, trying to clear away the breakfast dishes at 5PM and cradling Lilac in my arms because she won't let me put her down.

I have been heard in recent weeks asking why children don't come with an off switch. It would be quite nice.

The birth of Lilac.

Lilac was born a month ago. I've been trying to find a moment to write it down before it's forgotten in a haze of sleep deprivation, but even now she has been awake since her 9.30am feed (it's nearly 2pm) and Jude is also refusing to sleep, despite telling me he wanted to go to bed an hour and a half ago.

The birth itself, before I do forget completely:

1. Leading up
After my 2nd set of bile acid tests returned with significantly degraded results, Dr. Trueman agreed it would bem best to induce labour earlier. In order to maximise Lilac's chances for good health, I needed 2 seperate steroid injections in the days leading up to the induction. I would have a final obstetric appointment wednesday morning and the induction would begin late wednesday night.

Facing so many days running back and forth from the hospital, we decided to get some beach-front accommodation near the hospital, and have a last minute family holiday for the 3 of us (how strange to think of us a family of 3). This was a really great idea, and took a lot of the stress out of the lead up. It also gave Jude and Jeremy somewhere to stay while I was in hospital. It turned out it also gave my parents and my sister a place to stay, too.

2. The induction
Wednesday night rolled around. I kissed my beautiful little man good night and farewell from life as we knew it, and we went to hospital at 9pm. We were given a room in maternity with a double bed. A midwife came by to apply the gel, whatever she did down there hurt like hell and left me feeling violated. In retrospect I think it might have been a stretch and sweep, or perhaps her hands were just very large. I thought they would use those metal things they use for pap smears, but they just used hands and I can't say that is the better choice.

Contractions started almost immediately. I wasn't surprised as I had been having contractions on and off for a week (false or early labour, im not sure but I was 2cm dilated already). The contractions were mild and irregular until about 5am when they woke me up and I started to time them at 5 minutes apart.

3. The birth
Soon a midwife came to move me to the birthing suite. The short walk set things going. The contractions leapt to 2 minutes apart. Dr. Trueman came by and broke my waters. Meconium gushed out. I knew instantly the induction was well timed, I also knew I couldn't mess about or I'd end up in theatre.

There was no chance for resting. As long as I was standing the contractions came on strong, but if I tried to sit down they slowed right down. So I stood and summoned every bit of strength left in me after a month of cholestasis and very little sleep. There wasn't much energy left. As the contractions grew stronger, I grew weaker.

By the time it came to push I was fading. I climbed onto the bed, with the back raised so I could lean over it but remain upright. I felt my cervix stretching. I had not anticipated the pain. And after the cervix stretched came the agony of the stretching vagina. Contractions I could tolerate, but the stretching was beyond my pain tolerance. I started to wonder if it was too late for an epidural, the gas did nothing for the pain.

Dr. Trueman was summoned from theatre, he came and tried to get me to push harder, I was doing the best I could with what little energy was left in me, but I couldn't push through the pain and fear of tearing and exploding haemmohoids gripped me. "That's why they call it the Ring of Fire," the doctor offered. Truer words were never spoken.

Finally after what seemed forever I dumped Lilac unceremoniously out on the bed and looked down to make sure it was real. I scooped her up and rolled over, collapsing onto the bed with my tiny baby safe in my arms.