Induction date set

I had a second set of bile acid tests. It turns out they've increased steeply since the first test.

The obstetrician and I agree to inducing Lilac at 37.5 weeks, which means she should come safely and joyously into this world on the 16th of June, 2011.

I'm very pleased to have this organised as it has given me some peace of mind and allowed me to organise my parents to look after Jude while the induction is taking place.

I've been getting cramps and other signs that indicate things are already happening in my womb, so  I'm hopeful that everything will be favourable to an induction and it will go smoothly.

I'm terribly uncomfortable in the countdown to Wednesday night. There are only 4 days to go, and I just can't wait to hold my beautiful baby girl in my arms and smoother her in kisses.

What a journey we've been on together.

The end of the dream

At Monday's weekly obstetric appointment I watched the doctor cross out "waterbirth" on my medical record and replace it with "high risk". I knew it was coming, but it was still a shattering disappointment.

This pregnancy has been cruel to me. Let me not mince words about it. I changed hospitals and obstetricians, travelling at least twice the distance, just so I had access to a waterbirth. I have taken bucketloads of supplements every day trying to ward off pre-eclampsia and other ailments. I've managed myself in every conceivable way. I lay on the floor for 2 weeks straight with my bum in the air to ensure Lilac turned from Breech position.

After everything, I thought I was on the home stretch. I thought I had made it. My baby turned, my blood pressure was great, my doctor said "see you again in 3 weeks". I went and bought a waterbirth DVD and I sat and wept with nervous happiness as I watched 5 couples experience their dream births.

Then all of a sudden I found myself "high risk" and the option of a waterbirth was snatched away. Not to mention that I am now sitting here, a bundle of anxiety, desperately waiting for each time Lilac moves to make sure she's still alive.

HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?