At Monday's weekly obstetric appointment I watched the doctor cross out "waterbirth" on my medical record and replace it with "high risk". I knew it was coming, but it was still a shattering disappointment.
This pregnancy has been cruel to me. Let me not mince words about it. I changed hospitals and obstetricians, travelling at least twice the distance, just so I had access to a waterbirth. I have taken bucketloads of supplements every day trying to ward off pre-eclampsia and other ailments. I've managed myself in every conceivable way. I lay on the floor for 2 weeks straight with my bum in the air to ensure Lilac turned from Breech position.
After everything, I thought I was on the home stretch. I thought I had made it. My baby turned, my blood pressure was great, my doctor said "see you again in 3 weeks". I went and bought a waterbirth DVD and I sat and wept with nervous happiness as I watched 5 couples experience their dream births.
Then all of a sudden I found myself "high risk" and the option of a waterbirth was snatched away. Not to mention that I am now sitting here, a bundle of anxiety, desperately waiting for each time Lilac moves to make sure she's still alive.
HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?
Wednesday 8 June 2011
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1 comment:
I was so upset when I found out I had to have a c-section. But it passed and I am so grateful to have my little girl safe and well. All the best for Wednesday.
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