Time for Me

For the true first time since Jude was born I really wish I had some time for myself. Of course there were a lot of times back at the beginning when I wished I could take a nap and all kinds of things, but that was time "to" myself that I wanted, now I need time "for" myself.

I have tried several times to do some yoga first thing in the morning, but Jude is awake and he wants to crawl all over me. It's impossible to stand in mountain pose and focus your breathing with a child thinking it's hilarious to stick his head through your knees. By the time Jude takes his morning nap my belly is bloated with breakfast and my attention is elsewhere.

I've also been trying to sort out my values in life, but Jude's day sleeps have, for the large part, been sketchy and he demands a lot of my focus. I can't ever sit down for a decent length of time and unwind or turn my attention inward to work on bettering myself and getting the most out of life.

It may seem self-centred but the activities I want to engage in are to improve myself so I can provide the necessary energy needed to run a family.

Even now Jude is headbutting me and trying to turn my computer off. He doesn't have a concept of independent play, not when mummy is so fun to torment. After all, I have big eyes that need constant poking and ears that are just begging to be pulled.

And I'm not even going to mention the non-me stuff like mopping my bathroom floor, or cleaning and vacuuming my bedroom. I honestly couldn't say when they were last done since all my time goes into maintaining the main living areas which are freshly trashed over and over every day.