Competing, Lies and Mothers

True to my self-doubting form, I invited a community nurse to visit me at home and observe Jude's sleeping and eating routines. This was about a month ago, before I finally accepted the end of breast feeding and before I realised Jude's sleeping patterns were quite normal.

While the nurse was visiting us Jude slept perfectly (of course), so I ended up chatting with the nurse about motherhood in general and other mums (no single mum in particular). She told me how shocked she often is during group meetings when mums start talking about how perfect their babies are and how well they sleep/feed/learn/play etc. As a community nurse she has spoken to the same mothers in private who say very different things to her about their experience.

I can't help but notice how 90% of the mothers I interact with tell me that their babies sleep through the night, when everything I read in parenting books or hear from the medical health community tells me that most babies don't sleep through the night.

A little probing reveals that "sleeping through" means very different things to different people. One mother I spoke to recently admitted her baby wakes up at 5am every morning ready to start the day. In fact, many of the mothers who claim their babies sleep through are very early risers, out strutting the pavement with their babies and prams at sunrise.

Other mums have revealed that their babies don't sleep until later at night. One mother told me that she is often still awake at midnight struggling to settle her baby to sleep.

Other mothers say "my baby sleeps from 7 til 7," but if you listen carefully you'll hear them mutter under their breath "she wakes up around 3am, but I give her a little drink of milk and a cuddle and she goes back to sleep."



I'm sorry, did I hear that correctly? So what you're really saying is that your baby wakes up in the middle of the night for a feed. How exactly is that "sleeping through"?

The concept of "sleeping through" means to me that a baby goes to bed at 7pm and wakes again at 7am without so much as flinching through the night (they can flinch, as long as it doesn't wake up mum and dad). How many babies do that, I ask? My guess is very very few.

Mothers out there, stop lying! You're not being at all helpful or constructive by painting your picture with rose-hued brush strokes. It isn't a competition, we're supposed to be there to support each other by creating realistic expectations and sharing true information. I'm sure you don't want to be a negative Nelly but there's a big difference between staying positive about your experience and telling outright BS!

Well I'm here to set the record straight. Next time you hear someone telling you their life with baby is perfect, rest assured it simply isn't true.