As Jude strides ever closer to his first birthday I am thinking about the plethora of changes he's been through in the last year and at the beginning of it all there is a fuzzy memory of sleep deprivation and constant breast feeding that was the single most exhausting and emotionally draining time in my life.
I feel achingly sad when I reflect on that time. It was a time I can't say with any honesty that I enjoyed but my little boy is growing up so quickly and I can't have any of that time back. Those first 3 months in particular were hard on me, but I would give anything to be able to do them over so I could get it right this time.
Next time round (baby numero 2) will be different, I'll know what I'm doing and I'll also know not to listen to a damn word anyone has to say about anything. I know it will be just as exhausting but I'll be confident in myself and that single fact will make all the difference.
My heart goes out to first-time mums just starting the journey now. All that self doubt, endless mother guilt, uncertainty, second guessing every move you make. I've thought and I've thought of the one thing, if anything, that I could give as advice to any new mother.
Here it is:
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When the midwife tells you to practice Demand Feeding, and then adds "Bub should feed for at least 40 minutes every 4 to 6 hours, 8 to 10 times in 24 hours" you need to find the strength inside yourself to fully realise that counting hours between feeds and timing how long each feed takes is NOT demand feeding.
This is the stupid, counter-intuitive and completely contradictory advice that almost every mum is given in hospital. I believe it is this advice that sets many mothers into a tail spin of confusion and self-doubt. Look at it again and acknowledge that it doesn't make sense.
Listen to your baby and only your baby. Let him sleep if he sleeps, even if it has been more than 6 hours between feeds. You'll know if something is wrong. Get rid of the clock and that stupid stopwatch you use to time feeds.
Maybe your baby will sleep for 10 hours between feeds, and then wake up hungry and feed like a champ. That's 10 hours of sleep you could be getting, why mess with that? There's a good chance that the next feed will be loudly demanded only 2 hours later. That's how babies really demand feed, none of that using a stopwatch crap.
If bub feeds from the same boob twice in a row you'll know when your other breast starts leaking milk all over the place. If bub didn't quite get enough milk during a feed, you'll also know when he or she wakes up in an hour and wants more milk. It will all come out even in the end.
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In the top drawer of my dresser is a notebook with pages and pages filled with the time and duration of Jude's feeds in his early life, as well as which breast he fed predominantly from and extra notes that tell me whether he woke up for a feed or I woke him in a panic after 8 hours since his last feed. When I look at this notebook now my heart breaks and I can't stop the tears from welling because I know that it was all a terrible waste of effort and time that lead to bad feeding practices and resulted in Jude self-weaning at just 4 months.
Sunday 23 August 2009
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4 comments:
Oh hun.... my heart breaks for you reading this. And it saddens me to know that you're not the only one! I have a friend whose baby self weaned at six months, and she couldn't figure out why. Later on it came out that she very proudly had him on a "feed every four hours" schedule. I have a feeling the little guy was just hungry.
I thank God for my amazing midwife, who also happened to be a lactation consultant. She was at my house every day for the first two weeks, encourgaing constant feeding, skin-to-skin contact, and throw away the clock. Sometimes I would be on the couch for 6 (six! Argh.) hours straight, only stopping to switch Ewan from one side to another. It was exhausting, but it worked. Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a "Me" story. I just wanted to encourage you, you are the best mama you could be, and you will find it so much easier the second time around. You may not ever get it "perfect", but it'll still be wonderful!
I really want to know how to wrap a baby in a sling so they can feed at will. I tried really hard to get Jude in a sling but he hated it, he would arch his back and screech when I put him near a sling. If I could wear a baby all the time without worrying about anything, what a difference that would make.
What kind of slings did you try? I'm a sling freak, and have tried them all. Some he loved when he was a newborn, some he didn't love so much. Ironically I couldn't even wear him in a sling for longer than a few minutes for the first three weeks, due to nasty cracked nipples that wouldn't heal!
I was all over the place with breast feeding. At times I would feed on demand and other times on a schedule. I feel like breastfeeding never really worked out for us and I think it's because I didn't offer it to her enough when she was younger. I totally understand the wanting to go back and do it again because I often wish I could go back and fix things. Around 5 months she wasn't interested in feeding any more but I persisted for the next 5 1/2 months. Sadly this week I had to give up breast feeding for medical reasons (mine not hers). And what I've found is that she is taking a bottle really well and drinking a lot more than she ever did on the boob.
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