People talk about Jude's peaceful and relaxed personality like he's a miracle of nature. Unlike pretty much every other child his age he has never once pushed, poked, hit or bit any other child. He never misbehaves or throws temper tantrums. He doesn't grab other childrens' toys and he's always happy to share. He's quite simply a perfect angel.
While it's true that Jude is a wonderful little person with kindness and beauty to match the greatest saint to ever walk the Earth, there's also some good parenting technique thrown into the mix and I'd just like a little credit where credit is due for helping to raise my little prince charming.
A little aside: Many years ago, long before Jude was even a twinkle in my eye, a friend came over to my house with his wife and toddler. Their little boy grabbed a golf ball and started smacking it into my coffee table. Neither parent reacted so I stood up, picked up their son and moved him away from the coffee table. I took the golf ball out of his hand and gave him something less damaging to play with. I didn't say a word or raise my voice to their son, I simply moved and distracted him.
However, my actions mortally offended my friend and particularly his wife who thought my response to their son's destroying my furniture was completely insulting, so they stormed out and I lost a friend.
My point? Yesterday I remembered that event and I realised my response to such a situation hasn't changed over time or by having my own child. When Jude is doing something we don't like, we never yell at him or give him timeout (at this age), but simply give him something else to do. In this way we've never once drawn attention to his bad behaviour. We always shower him with praise and kisses when he does something good. He's so used to being praised that when he does something he is proud of he gives himself a little clap.
The bad behaviour doesn't exist because we don't let it be an issue. Jude doesn't even know when he's done something we don't like, in fact he's forgotten all about it 5 seconds later.
So yes my son is perfect, but Jeremy and I, as his parents, have played a role in that and I'm sick of people thinking we're just lucky to have a good child, we're damn good parents!
Friday 26 February 2010
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4 comments:
I am amazed that Jude has never thrown temper tantrums. There are so many reasons why Maya will throw a tantrum - when she gets frustrated with her inability to do something, when she is over tired, when she is over hungry, when she wants to do something and I say no, when she's ill and when she is doing something she shouldn't be doing and I try to move her attention on to something else. I agree that behaviour has a lot to do with parenting too and your actions do have something to do with how Jude is of course, but it does sound like Jude has an amazing natural ability to not let things bother him.
A little aside: you mentioned that Jude doesn't hit other children and neither does Maya but I can't get over how many times Maya herself has been hit by other children when we go to the park. I keep wondering is a product of parenting or a natural progression every child will go through?
Jude is a very chilled child, he didn't cry when he had his bandages changed and his open, bleeding wounds scrubbed clean. The nurses were completely amazed.
He has tried to throw a temper tantrum, but as soon as I look at him he starts giggling. I think he prefers the cuddles and kisses when he is good (he gets sooo many cuddles and kisses, I don't take his good behaviour for granted.)
I just can't see Jude being rough to anyone, unless he snaps one day and goes ballistic on the next kid to push or hit him. One boy bit him so hard on the shoulder he left teeth marks for hours. When Jude cried everyone looked at him like he was a cry-baby until I showed them the bite mark, and then the mother of the other kid couldn't stop apologizing.
I was really too shocked to know what to do. How do you react when other children push Maya? I can't help bringing it to their mother's attention then I feel bad about it, but I just want to protect Jude from bullies. Why can't they just hit and push each other and leave Jude out of it?
Yeah that's pretty amazing that Jude didn't cry through his bandage changes. In comparison I think Maya is sometimes an uptight child. For example the fact that she's afraid of adult strangers, since 2 months of age and still going. Though I don't always think that's a bad thing. And she has never liked being in the car and I have no idea how to change that. Car travel is often filled with tears. But I don't think I did anything to cause her to be like that. That's why I do think it's part personality part parenting.
Maya loves other children though and is always gentle with them. She loves trying to talk to kids at the park and sometimes the kid will hit her or push her over and I have no idea why they do it. Worst of all, these kids are often without a parent in sight. One time my instinct kicked in when a kid kicked Maya down a slide! I grabbed this boy's arm and said "You do not push people down the slide. That is so rude!" After that he stayed well away from Maya and I cos he was scared of me, but I felt bad for telling him off. Then again where was his parent?? Usually if a parent is around they will apologise. But mostly I can never identify a parent to complain to and I end up telling the kid off myself. Happily Maya never seems to be phased by any of the pushing, hitting or kicking and never has cried over any of it.
Oh and Maya will also clap herself when she does something she is proud of too, because I do that for her. Now she even claps for me when I do something like get a puzzle piece in the right hole. It's so cute.
But just to be sure:
I'm not suggesting that children who push or have tantrums have terrible parents.
I'm merely trying to get some props, at least a small piece of pie, for being a good mum.
Basically, if I was a shit mum then Jude would most certainly have developed some personality flaws over the top of his naturally good behaviour.
I just get annoyed that people seem to think I'm just reeeeally lucky, like I have no part to play at all.
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