When it gets easier to be a mother

"I know it's hard now, but things will get better."

This is the adage that gets thrown around and quoted endlessly to new mothers. It's true, but not at all helpful. When I was a new mother I knew things would get better but the only thing I wanted to know was "when?".

After I joined a mothers group I was able to observe common behaviour among babies of the same age group and it became clear that there are definite changes that occur for all babies of the same age at certain times, and I am here to shine the light at the end of the tunnel for any new mothers so they can clearly see exactly when things will get better.

The first 3 months are tough and babies need a lot of constant attention, but after that things start to improve.

1. At around 3 months all babies can lie on their back on a play mat and swipe purposefully at toys hanging above them as they studiously learn the motor skills required to aim at hanging objects. Parents should introduce this activity from about 2 months. This form of play keeps a baby occupied for only a short time (at first just a few minutes), but will allow an exhausted mother a chance to sit back, eat a sandwich and watch her baby without having to hold and rock her baby in her arms.

2. Around 4 months all babies start to have longer attention spans and greatly improved motor skills when playing with toys. Linked plastic rings are an excellent toy at this age as babies can grasp them easily and enjoy putting them in their mouths. A baby might stay relaxed for about half an hour while sitting on your lap so you can attend mothers group meetings or meet friends for lunch.

3. Around 5 months all babies enjoy lying on a soft mat and playing independently with toys while mum is nearby. This is a great opportunity to get back into yoga (which your baby will find hilariously entertaining) or catch up with some work-from-home.

Note: If you've struggled with sleep patterns with your baby, rest assured that by now (but even before 5 months) tired signs should be very clear (rubbing eyes and yawning) and your baby will have developed his/her own sleep routines. Don't believe the hype, you do not need to force routines on your baby, they will sort themselves out and you don't have to wear yourself thin attempting to keep your baby awake or force feeds when your baby is already asleep.

4. Around 6 months all babies start enjoying food and can grasp rusks and other sticks of age-appropriate food to feed themselves and keep themselves entertained, but always watch your baby eating to make sure s/he doesn't choke. Some babies at this age can sit well on their own, roll around, crawl or even pull themselves up to stand by holding on to furniture. You need to keep an eye on your baby, but you will find more time to be able to do your own thing.

Note: Babies develop these skills at vastly different ages so don't be alarmed if your baby can't do all these things.

An important word about TV: It is not recommended to allow your baby to watch TV. "Experts suspect that babies younger than two years old view TV as a confusing array of colors, images, and noises" (source). So even though TV does mesmerise babies giving mummy more time to herself, it is overstimulating and does absolutely nothing to help your child's development. "Research has demonstrated that many young children believe that TV characters actually live inside the TV set. This can confuse young children’s understanding of the world and get in the way of their learning what’s right or wrong" (source). Yes, it's very tempting to plop baby down in front of Dora or Elmo, but imagine how those TV worlds are interpreted by a baby's mind. It's scary to think.